On being German...

By now I've become pretty familiar with German culture.  And for the most part, I like it very much.  After all, I wouldn't be living here if I didn't feel some kind of affinity with German-ness.  Nevertheless, there are some aspects of German culture that continue to elude me.  Little quirks that leave me completely perplexed.  Here are ten of them, in no particular order.

1. Everything is on time… except Deutsche Bahn.

Germans value their Pünktlichkeit above all.  Or so it would seem.  When you live in Germany, you learn that there is one major exception to this rule: Deutsche Bahn.  For Deutsche Bahn, schedules are meaningless.  In fact, I’m pretty sure that Deutsche Bahn employees spend their spare time sitting around laughing at the so-called schedules and the customers who are naïve enough to actually believe them. 

"And then I said.. the train will arrive at 10:30!!"

If there is one rule in Germany, it’s that the trains are never on time.  After a couple of train journeys, you learn to expect the familiar announcement: “Sehr geehrte Damen und Herren…” followed by a verbose explanation about why your train is going to be late.  At this point I’ve learned to adapt to the tardy trains.  I book my trip so that there's a window of at least two hours before I need to arrive.  And then I pray.

2. Jaywalking is a cardinal sin.

If you come from Canada or the States, you know that it’s *technically* against the law to cross when there’s a red light.  But this law is more of a guideline, to be followed within reason.  If there are no cars on the road, of course you’re going to cross.  Why should you waste time waiting for a light to change colour when it’s perfectly safe to walk?  Why, you may ask?  Because you’re German.  To the Germans, the Ampelmann is an emissary of God, to be followed austerely with a fervent devotion.  Any transgression against the command of the Ampelmann will be viewed as a cardinal sin.  You will be punished severely with hellfire and brimstone.  Or at the very least, you will be chastised sternly by any nearby Germans.

"ALL SHALL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME IN TERROR!!!"

3. Speeches are sacrosanct.

Germans looooove to make speeches.  Long, long speeches.  You cannot expect to attend any event and not have to listen to at least two self-important Germans make a speech.  And don’t expect the speech to be clear or concise either.  It will be as long-winded as possible.  Full of flowery overly-formal language which is unnecessarily difficult to understand.  I think this is why Germans eat so many cold cuts and potato salads.  This way they don’t have to worry about the food going cold while they listen to the speeches.

Sehr praktisch.

4. There is no concept of queuing.

Where I come from, queuing is kind of important.  It’s polite to line up, and Canadians pride themselves on their politeness.  The last time I was in Toronto, I looked on in wonder as people at the bus station formed two perfect lines where the bus doors would open.  The bus hadn't even arrived yet, and people were already thoughtfully anticipating how they would board it in an orderly fashion.  It was truly a beautiful sight to behold.  Here in Germany, however, people don’t queue.  They swarm.  There is no concept of waiting your turn, or first come first served.  The idea is that you push and shove, and if you have sharp enough elbows you will get where you want.  This is particularly disconcerting when exiting and entering trains.  You would think that people would wait for you to get out before pushing their way in, but oh no.  It’s mayhem, I tell you.  Total mayhem!

Trying to exit a train in Germany.

5. Everything is dead on Sundays and holidays.

So I've been living in Europe for a while now.  I've gotten pretty used to things being closed on a Sunday.  I understand this is not a culture of speed and convenience, like the one that I come from.  Sunday is not for shopping and consumerism – it’s for quiet reflection, reading, gardening, and spending time with family.  I get it, ok?  In fact I think it's kind of a nice idea.  So I think ahead, and I make sure I have everything I need from the shops on a Saturday.  What has come as a total surprise to me, however, is the way things shut down on holidays.  For example.  Christmas Eve is a day of hustle and bustle, right?  The day that everyone goes out to do their last-minute gift shopping and buy more butter and flour for Christmas dinner?  Not in Germany.  This year, to my shock and horror, I discovered that everything shuts down before 3pm on Christmas Eve.  And I mean everything!  Want to enjoy one more merry glass of Glühwein at the Christmas market?  Forget it.  The Christmas market is already shut down and packed away for the year.  On Christmas Eve, a busy German city will transform into a ghost town.  It’s actually really creepy.  The same goes for New Years Eve, New Years Day, and a bunch of random local holidays which will probably take you by surprise.  Basically, don’t expect to be able to get anything from the shops.  Ever.

Germany on a Sunday.
(People still wait for the light to change before crossing.)

6. Fresh air is important, but drafts are dangerous.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to wrap my head around this one.  Germans are often opening their windows or going on little walks for some "frische Luft".  At the same time, they have a pathological fear of drafts.  The most common complaint you’ll hear from a German is “es zieht”.  Why are drafts so dangerous?  Well, apparently Germans believe that drafts will make them sick.  Colds, flus, pneumonia, arthritis, the bubonic plague – you name it, and the Germans will most certainly blame it on a draft.

"It vas se draft."

7. Air conditioning is also deeply suspicious.

Like drafts, Germans have a deep-seated suspicion of air conditioning.  They believe that the artificially circulated air will make them sick.  It doesn't matter how uncomfortably hot you are.  It doesn't matter if you are suffocating or fainting from heat stroke.  Apparently it is healthier to remain cooped up in a stiflingly hot muggy room than to turn on the air conditioning and – God forbid – allow your body to return to a regular temperature.  I have no idea where this superstition comes from.  All I’m going to say is, I've spent many summers in air-conditioned Toronto not getting sick.

8. Everything must fit neatly into a category.

If it doesn't, people will react with panic and confusion.  Germans like to sort everything into boxes.  They like everything to fit into one box, and one box only.  Anyone who’s familiar with the fach system in opera will be aware of this, but trust me, it goes much further than that.  When I opened a bank account here, I was interrogated about the nature of my work.  Not only did they want to know that I was a freelance singer, they wanted to know exactly what kind of singer I am.  Do I sing opera, oratorio, lieder?  Do I sing as a soloist or in choirs and ensembles?  When I replied “all of the above” the lady at the bank looked horrified.  I’m pretty sure she almost had an aneurysm.

"I can't fit her into a category!  WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!"

9. You have the right to offer your complete, uncensored opinion to everyone.

It doesn't matter if they’re a total stranger crossing at a red light (see above).  They should still hear your opinion.  Germans feel they have the right to judge everything openly – and with no sugar coating.  Sometimes this kind of blunt honesty can be refreshing.  One could argue that it's better than being dishonest for the sake of being “nice”, as people often do in Canada.  But sometimes you’re minding your own business, not asking for an opinion, and a German comes up and assaults you with it anyway.  I mean, come on people!  That’s just plain rude.

10. Cake hardly ever tastes as good as it looks.

I cannot count the number of times that I've ordered a beautiful piece of cake at a German cafe, only to be sorely disappointed.  It looks like it should taste glorious, but it's just a bland lump of flour and butter.  What gives, Germany??  Are you not allowed to use sugar in your baking???  The weirdest part is that these cakes, as well as being completely tasteless, are extremely fatty.  Talk about a waste of calories!  If I'm going to break my diet, I want my tastebuds to at least enjoy the experience!

German cake: not to be trusted.

Germany, I love you dearly.  But some of your oddball traits will puzzle me until my dying day.  At the very least, I can congratulate myself on taking things lightly.  While many of these things used to make me cringe with frustration, these days I’m able to brush them off with a chuckle and a shrug of the shoulders.  After all, aren't we all a bit weird? 

On seeing the big picture...

I've been pretty quiet on here lately, and the reason is that I've been very busy.  I spent most of December doing choir work.  I was very grateful for this work: after all, I was earning money by singing, and not by doing data entry in an office or scanning items in a grocery store.  I also really enjoy singing in choirs.  I get a real sense of satisfaction out of making music with a large group of singers.  And the choral repertoire is full of stunningly beautiful music.

The thing is, I don't want to sing exclusively in choirs.  I want to have a solo career.  And taking on lots of choir work makes it difficult to keep working towards that goal.

It's a tricky situation, and one which a lot of young singers struggle with.  The reality is that most of us don’t earn a living with our singing right away.  So we take a “day job” to make ends meet until we can get our careers off the ground.  The trouble is, a day job is often so draining and demanding that you can lose sight of your long-term career goals.

You need the "day job" to survive, whether it's teaching, choral singing, or temping in an office.  But you also need to work on your long-term career development.  Let the day job slide, and you have no money.  Let the career slide, and you'll be stay the day job forever.  So how do you keep the balance?

The balancing act: it gets pretty crazy!

I have been struggling with this balance a lot lately.  My problem is that I look at my work through a zoom lens.  When I'm working on a choir project, I focus on that project and nothing else.  I work hard in rehearsals, but the rest of the time I usually act as though I'm on holiday.  Drinking coffee, shopping, having a few beers at the hotel bar... It's an easy trap to fall into, especially when I'm surrounded by a fun group of colleagues.  Of course I need some downtime to recover from work, but if I treat all my "free time" as free time, I won't make any progress as a soloist.

I have arias to learn.  I have my technique to work on.  I have applications to send off and auditions to prepare for.  So why am I frittering away my free time like this?  Am I just being lazy?

I think it’s more complicated than that.  It's a matter of limited resources.  There is only so much energy and focus a person can put in on a given day.  If you spend all day poring over a spreadsheet or sitting in three-hour meetings, it’s not so easy to concentrate on learning a new aria in the evening.  It gets even harder when your "day job" uses your voice, as it does in teaching or in choral singing.  There's a limit to the number of hours per day in which you can healthily sing.  And you want to preserve the best of your voice for when it's important - that is, when you're getting paid.

But beyond practicalities, there's the matter of perspective.  It’s just so easy to get sucked into small details and forget about the big picture.  You end up living from day to day, thinking about what you need to do now in order to survive.  

"I just need to keep my head above water.  That's all."

The trick is to think beyond your day-to-day survival. Think bigger.  Check your map.  Where are you now?  Where do you want to go?  How are you going to get there?

Everyone has an ambition for the future.  A goal towards which they believe they are working.  But are you really working toward it?  You can tell people your goal all you want.  You can shout it from the hilltops and post it all over facebook.  But unless you are taking regular steps to achieve it, your goal is nothing more than a delusion. 

"I am going to start my own company!!!
You can tell I'm serious about it because of the sunset!"

It’s important to keep working on your big picture, even when the smaller picture may be limiting your time and resources.  The trick is to avoid burnout by working smartly and efficiently.  I've discovered a few things that help.

First of all, you need a bare minimum.  Something you can commit to doing every day.  This should become a daily habit, as routine as brushing your teeth.  My bare minimum is a good warmup.  Warming up every day is very important for many reasons.  It keeps my voice healthy and sets me up to sing well for the rest of the day.  It also serves as an M.O.T. – a chance to check in with my voice and see how everything is working.  Is my high A a bit thin this morning?  Are my low notes a bit wobbly?  How is my coloratura running along?  Warming up helps me check in with my voice and be aware of anything different I might have to look out for later in the day.  Even if I’m in rehearsals all day and have no time for individual practice, I make sure I start the day with a good warm up.

Warming up: your daily vocal M.O.T.

Secondly, you need to set smaller goals for yourself each week.  These goals should be realistic and achievable.  Some weeks you just won’t have time to get as much done.  But making small progress is better than no progress at all.  You may not be able to learn a 10-page aria this week, but perhaps you could work through the first two pages. 

Thirdly, motivate yourself by keeping track of your progress.  Make a to-do list.  Enjoy ticking off tasks as you finish them.  And keep reading the list to remind yourself of what still needs to be done.  Checking your to-do list is like checking your compass.  It reminds you of where you are and where you’re going.  And it alerts you when you're veering off course.

Uh-oh.  My career should be heading northeast, not southwest.

What about those days when you come home from an eight hour rehearsal and you have no voice left?  Can you still use your time productively?  Absolutely.  There are a lot of things you can do without singing.  Listen to recordings to hear how other singers interpret your repertoire.  Listen to recordings of your lessons and coachings, and take notes.  And practise mentally.  Go through your music in your head, imagining in detail exactly how you want to sing it.  You’ll be amazed what a difference you’ll hear the next time you sing the piece.

Finally, don’t dismiss your “day job” as a mere money earner.  See it for its full value.  What can you learn from this job which you can use in your career?  If you teach, can you learn something from the way you've addressed a student’s technical problem?  If you sing in a choir, can you work on improving your breath control, or your pianissimos?  If you work in an office, can you learn some important tips on running a business?  Remember, you are pursuing a challenging career which demands diverse skills and knowledge.  You can find learning opportunities almost anywhere.  So think outside of the box, and try to see the full worth in every experience.

The hills are alive with the sound of learning opportunities!

It’s hard to remember the big picture.  We all have days when we get home from our day job and just want to collapse on the couch.  But do this every day and you’ll be stuck on the couch forever.  Your time may be limited, but you can still use it smartly.  Remember that quality is more important than quantity.  It doesn't matter how many hours you can put in today.  As long as you are investing thoughtful, focused work towards your long-term goal, you will make progress.

Your dream can remain a dream or it can become a reality.  It’s up to you to decide.

On speaking like a German...

This week in Stuttgart I’ve enjoyed hanging out with a lot of other English speakers.  The choir has two Americans, a Brit, and, including myself, three Canadians.  When we expats get together, of course we enjoy speaking English.  But we still find ourselves throwing in the odd German word or phrase.  German is such a colourful language, so full of character.  And some German words are just so apt.  There is no English word that will express quite the same thing.  Here are some of my favourite idiomatic phrases which are useful in German:

Bitte – An essential word if you want to be polite, especially in restaurants and hotels.  Depending on context, “bitte” can mean “please”, “here you go”, “pardon me?” or “you’re welcome”.  Just imagine this absurd exchange: “Can I have the cheese, bitte?” "Bitte?" "I said can I have the cheese, bitte?" “Bitte.”  “Thank you.”  “Bitte.”  I’m not joking, this conversation could actually happen.  If you don’t learn any other German word, bitte learn bitte!

Danke – Don’t worry, while “bitte” has several meanings, “danke” just means “thank you”.  If you want to emphasise it further, you could say “Danke sehr” (thanks very much), “vielen Dank” (many thanks), or danke schön” (pretty thanks??  I’m just as confused as you are).

Pretty thanks???

Entschuldigung – An essential for navigating busy streets and train stations.  “Entschuldigung”, or the more formal “Entschuldigungen Sie” means “excuse me”.  It can also be used as a more casual form of “I’m sorry” (if you want to be really apologetic, you would say “es tut mir Leid” – literally “it does me pain”).  Before you know it, “entschuldigung” will become an automatic reflex when you bump into someone or push past them in a crowd.  I often forget myself when I’m in an English-speaking country, and say “entschuldigung” when bumping into someone.  That’s how much it’s ingrained in me.

Genau – This is my favourite word in German.  It’s a kind of all-around positive response.  It can mean “yes”, “exactly”, “I agree”, or “totally”.  If you want to really emphasise it, you can nod vigorously and say “ganz genau”.

GANZ genau!!!

Lust haben – Germans don’t say they “feel like” doing something.  Instead they “have Lust” to do it.  The desire or motivation to say, go shopping, is seen as an object which you either have or don’t have.  If you don’t feel like doing something, you might say “ich habe kein Lust”: “I have no inclination.”  In Cologne, some people say “ich habe Bock”, which is funny, because it literally means “I have goat”.

I have goat to go shopping???

Gern – This is a handy little word.  Similar to “having Lust”, it implies an enthusiasm or a desire for something.  It is usually used to qualify a verb.  “Ich hätte gern” roughly translates as “I would like to have”.  You might tell someone that you enjoy knitting: “ich stricke gern”.  “Gern” can also stand alone as a statement of enthusiasm and/or willingness.  If someone asks if you would like to go for a beer, you might respond with an enthusiastic “gern”!  Waiters also use this as a polite response when you say “thank you” – sort of like saying “my pleasure” in English.

Stimmt – Another sort of agreement word.  “Stimmt” is a combination of “ok”, “that’s right”, and “I agree”.  If you want to tip your waiter, instead of telling them to keep the change you can say “stimmt so”.

Eben - A strong expression of agreement.  In my friend's words, it's like saying "you said it, sister".  Not to be confused with "eben so", which means "likewise".

Ebennn!!

Oder – This is a strange one, and I’m still getting used to it.  Technically, “oder” means “or”.  But Germans love to use it at the end of a sentence.  “That was great pizza, oder?”  “We should get going, oder?”  The first time you hear this, you will probably wait for the rest of the sentence.  We should get going or what??  But don't be fooled - there is no rest of the sentence.  It’s a rhetorical question, like asking someone to confirm their agreement, even though you already know that they agree.  Basically equivalent to the Canadian “eh”.

-Es ist ganz kalt, oder?
-It sure is cold out here, eh?

Alles klar – Similar to oder, this is often asked as a rhetorical question.  It literally means “all clear”.  People might ask “alles klar” to make sure you understand something.  But it’s a polite formality: usually they don’t want to hear an answer.  You might also say “alles klar” as a statement, like “got it”.

Doch – A funny little interjection.  It can be used the way English-speakers say “like”, to fill a space in conversation.  It can also mean “rather” or “on the contrary”.  “I don’t have any brothers – doch I have three sisters.”  Or it can be used as a simple agreement, like "yeah".

Günstig – This has been an extremely important word for me as a penniless singer in Germany.  “Günstig” means “affordable” or “sensible”.  Whether you are buying a mattress or making plans with friends, you probably want to find the most “günstig” option available.

Praktisch – A word very dear to the German heart.  It means “practical” and it is seen as a very important quality.  Probably the highest praise a German could give something is to call it “praktisch”.  But if it is “unpraktisch” or even, heaven forbid, “unlogisch” (illogical), you can expect some disapproving tutting and shaking of heads.

Pünktlich – Another word very dear to the German heart.  Germans are renowned for their “Pünktlichkeit”: their punctuality.  German culture places high importance on being on time and strictly following a schedule.  Germans will usually show up exactly on time for their appointments, if not earlier, and they will expect the same from others.  Most of the time this is awesome – after all, don’t you hate waiting for latecomers?  But sometimes it leads to an irritating kind of inflexibility.  If you change a schedule, be prepared for Germans to get flustered and make such a fuss that you’ll feel you have committed a cardinal sin.

Schade – This one-word phrase is used to express regret when something goes wrong or can’t go as planned.  Your friend can’t meet you for coffee because they were called into a last-minute meeting?  Schade.  Sometimes Germans translate this into English as “it’s a pity”, and you have to remind them that we are no longer in Jane Austen’s time.  Simply saying “too bad” will suffice.

"It's a pity."

Tja – Sometimes this is a thinking sound, like “hmm…”  Other times it’s used to express judgement and disapproval.  “Tja, of course he’s going out to smoke again.”

Na ja – A philosophical sound, like the thinking man’s “well”.  It implies that you are thinking rather deeply on the subject.  You can use it to begin a sentence: “Na ja, she is a good colleague”.  Or you can just say it thoughtfully and trail off, like saying “oh well”.  “Na ja…”

Guten Appetit – I don’t understand why we don’t have an English equivalent for this.  The French say “bon appetit”, and the Dutch say “smakelijk”.  The German say “guten Appetit”.  Do English people just not want their friends to enjoy their meals?  Or are they too fixated on scarfing their food down to even think about it?  In any case.  “Guten Appetit” is a lovely little phrase to use when sharing a meal with German friends.

Prost – If you’re in Germany, chances are that you’ll be enjoying some beer.  Or a nice dry Riesling, if that’s more your thing.  Anyway, the essential word at the German Kneipe is not “cheers” or “chin chin” but “Prost”.  For extra points, try to say it with a super-closed “O” and a hearty guttural “r” which brings up all the phlegm at the back of your throat.

PRRRRRRRROOOOOOST!!

Keine Ahnung – When all else fails, and you’re at a total loss, this is the phrase you’ll need.  “Keine Ahnung”.  “No idea”.  Said with a dismissive shrug of the shoulders, with a hope that whoever asked you will go elsewhere for the answer.

These are just a sample of the many useful Deutsch expressions which I’ve come to know and love.  Try peppering your speech with these words as much as possible, and before you know it you’ll sound as German as Sauerkraut!

On being brave...

Last weekend I had the pleasure of singing Bach’s motet “Jesu meine Freude”.  This is one of my favourite pieces of music in the world.  I first sang it in Stuttgart with Helmuth Rilling, and have since sung it in Toronto, and again in Edinburgh.  So I was very happy to have the opportunity to sing it once again in Cologne.  “Jesu meine Freude” is a masterpiece of beauty and unity: it holds together exquisitely as a whole.  But beyond the music, I love the piece’s message of bravery and steadfastness.  My favourite movement is the dramatic “Trotz dem alten Drachen”:

Trotz dem alten Drachen,

Trotz des Todes Rachen,

Trotz der Furcht darzu!

Tobe, Welt, und springe,

Ich steh hier und singe in gar sichrer Ruh

…which roughly translates as:

“I defy the old dragon,

I defy the jaws of death,

I defy fear as well!

Rage, World, and spring to attack:

I stand here and sing in secure peace”

Turns out Bach is kind of a badass.

I just love this statement.  It’s so strong and defiant.  It reminds me of the incredible act of bravery which singing is.  How many destructive forces to we have to battle every time we get up on stage to perform?  How many inner voices of worry and doubt do we have to ignore in order to let our own voice be heard?  It’s got me thinking about the negative thoughts and feelings which we often fight with when singing...

*

Trotz dem alten Drachen…

Obviously, the old dragon looks like Smaug from The Hobbit.

We all have an old dragon within us.  He may be a bit tired and slow, but he still likes to rear his ugly head every once in a while and make us shake in our boots.  The old dragon is an accumulation of all your past baggage.  Every bad memory, every negative belief about yourself, every piece of criticism you’ve ever heard.  As much as you try to keep this old dragon hidden away in a cave, he can still come back to haunt you.  You might be in the middle of giving a winning performance in a competition, and suddenly the old dragon will be at your ear.  “Remember that time you fluffed the coloratura in that audition?  Remember the teacher who told you you can’t act?”  If you let him, he will keep going.  He won’t stop until he’s paralysed you completely.  The old dragon always has to be kept at bay.  He is old news, and he doesn’t belong in the here and now.  You have to fight him back with everything you’ve got.

Trotz des Todes Rachen…

This zebra doesn't seem too bothered about the jaws of death.

While the old dragon represents ghosts from yours past, the jaws of death represent phantoms in your future.  The future doesn't exist yet, but that doesn't mean you can't imagine it in all kinds of horrible ways.  Every time you get up to perform, there is a certain amount of risk involved.  You can't help but think that this time you might not manage it.  This time you might falter.  No matter how much you practise, there is always a very real possibility that something might go wrong.  It might be a small slip, and it might be a total disaster.  There is only so much we can control in performance.   But thinking "what if" is like looking down when you're crossing a tightrope: it will only make you waver and stumble, when you were doing perfectly fine before.  Thinking about making mistakes will only encourage them to happen.  And you can’t let some imagined version of the future mess up the reality of the present.

Trotz der Furcht darzu!

Trudy was having difficulty overcoming her fear of hands.

When you worry about the past or the future, you are letting yourself be driven by fear.  What else are you afraid of when you walk onstage?  I don’t know about you, but I’m usually afraid of judgement.  I’m afraid of what the audience or the audition panel might think of me.  This is one of the hardest things about being a performer: you are constantly making yourself vulnerable, opening yourself up to others’ opinions.  But if you're afraid of judgement, you'll never take the kinds of bold risks that will make you an exciting artist.  The best performers are the authentic ones.  The ones who do their own thing, without worrying about what other people think.  If you want to make great art, you can’t always be afraid of being judged.  You have to dare to be yourself.  You have to be fearless.

Tobe, Welt, und springe, ich steh hier und singe in gar sichrer Ruh.

Calm in the eye of the storm

Ever had one of those days?  When everything seems to be going wrong, and there’s nothing you can do about it?  Life is unpredictable.  And it can certainly throw you a few curveballs when you least expect it.  You may be faced with a practical problem, like a delayed train making you late for an audition.  Or you may be dealing with difficulties in your personal life, like arguing with your parents.  Whatever it is, it should never interfere with your performance.  The show, as they say, must go on.  Any worries and distractions have to be pushed aside.  Any inner turmoil must be stilled.  The moment you step onstage, you exist only for the performance.  You have to be able to sing from a place of calm and peace.

*

The mind is a powerful thing, and it can have a huge impact on our ability to perform well.  You can be the most talented singer in the world, but you won't get anywhere if your mind isn't on your side.  So how do we defeat these demons?  How do we overcome our inner turmoil? How do we deliver a showstopping performance against all odds? 

In her Q&A session at Juilliard (I highly recommend watching the whole thing on youtube), Joyce DiDonato talks about these negative inner voices which can interfere with your singing.  As she points out, you just don’t have the time to listen to these voices!  There are so many things to think about when you’re performing: the meaning of the text, the dramatic context of the music, your musical interpretation, your technical approach to each phrase… Why would you waste any time listening to a voice telling you that you messed up the high note, or that you might have a run in your stocking?  Joyce suggests you should dismiss these voices – tell them to go get a coffee, and you’ll talk to them after the show.

But sometimes it's not enough just to tell negative thoughts to go away.  Sometimes they keep shouting at you and won't be ignored.  This is extremely dangerous, because negative thoughts can be have a huge influence on your performance.  If you keep imagining things going wrong, they probably will.

An old teacher of mine used to encourage me to combat this with "positive mental practice".  Any time I had a performance coming up, she would tell me to spend time going through the performance in my mind.  She told me to imagine giving the best performance possible.  Every little detail, down to the last note, would go exactly as planned.  I would be full of energy and spark, and the audience would love me.  This exercise served as a powerful affirmation.  The more I envisioned things going well, the more I felt that they really would, and the more that they actually did.  Sometimes it's not enough just to banish negative thoughts.  Sometimes you have to fight back by cultivating positive thoughts instead.

Get back, you evil old dragon!

Singers have to be superheroes.  Every day that we perform, we battle with powerful evil forces: bad memories, old insecurities, worries about the future, fears of being judged, and problems from outside the practice room.  When you stop and think about it, it's a wonder that we're able to sing at all!  But with the positivity and presence of mind, we can overcome almost anything.  We just have to remember to draw on our inner strength.  To be focused and fearless.  Only then can we stand here and sing in gar sichrer Ruh.

On being patient...

I am an impatient person.  Most people who know me are aware of this.  Whether it’s ordering my coffee, getting my internet to work, or advancing my career, I have no time to wait.  I want to be there NOW.  I want to get that NOW.  Like those annoying kids in the back of a car on a road trip, I’m always asking “are we there yet?”  On one of my worse days, I might be asking with bitter frustration, “why the hell aren’t we there yet??”

It’s a strange thing, this impatience of mine.  It’s a unique mixture of ambition and laziness.  I really want to get somewhere.  But I don’t want to take the time to do the work it takes to get there.

Right now, I'm struggling a lot with my impatience.  I’m starting with a new teacher, and as is often the case with a new teacher, we are rebuilding my technique from the ground up.  It’s back to basics for me.  After years of doing back flips and cartwheels, I’m learning to walk again.  The process is extremely painstaking and slow.  And I hate it.

I don’t want to take the time to breathe deep and low.  I don’t want to take the time to engage my support.  I just want to sing the note already.  I just want to get there!  And so I sabotage myself.  I block myself with my own ambition.  I’m in such a rush to sing that I don’t bother to make sure I’m singing well.

I am not alone in my impatience.  We live in an impatient age.  Thanks to high-speed internet and pre-recorded television, we’re all used to instant gratification.  Skipping the commercials.  Switching tabs on our internet browser when we’re bored.  Putting every thought into 140 characters or less.  We, as a society, have extremely short attention spans.  We can't seem to focus on anything in the long-term.

What’s wrong with doing things so quickly?  There’s nothing wrong with speed, per se.  Instant noodles and high-speed wifi don’t exactly spell the end of civilisation.  But this obsession we have with getting everything right now might land us in a lot of trouble.  Because, as they say, good things come to those who wait.

There was a great article recently by James Clear about deliberate practice and the “ten year silence”.  Apparently, most artists produce their most successful work after ten years of relative obscurity.  In other words, it takes about ten years of deliberate, focused practice, ten years of trying and failing, ten years of perseverance and gradual progress, before you finally achieve something great.

Can you imagine?  Ten years without recognition!  Ten years without gratification!  Ten years of working away, never knowing for certain if you’re actually going to get anywhere.  That doesn't just take a lot of perseverance and faith in yourself - it also takes an inconceivable amount of patience.  How many of us would be able to endure that decade?

Last week I did a 5km race.  5 kilometres is not a very long distance, but for me right now it’s just long enough to be a challenge.  The thing about running long distances is, it’s just as psychological as it is physical.  You have to have the mental fortitude to keep going.  The first kilometre is easy enough.  You think “this is no problem, I just need to do [X amount] more of these”.  But as you keep running, the kilometres get longer and longer, until the last kilometre feels like it will never end.

The temptation, of course, is to run fast at the beginning.  But if you start off too fast at the beginning, you’ll never make it to the finish line.  You have to learn to pace yourself.  I don’t mean being lazy and jogging as slowly as possible.  I mean finding an ideal speed – a speed which is challenging for you, but which you can sustain in the long term.

Getting ready to run the Downsview 5k in Toronto

The same goes for any long-term process.  If you start by rushing yourself, soon enough you will burn out and stop short of meeting your goal.  The trick is to work slowly and steadily, taking the time to do things thoughtfully and thoroughly.

Pop culture loves to sell us the story of the overnight success.  Shows like "American Idol" and "The Voice" show us that it only takes one audition, one song, to turn your life around.  This is utter nonsense!  Overnight successes never happen in the real world.  There are of course some cases where singers are “discovered” by a conductor or director, and their career takes off like a shooting star.  But even in these cases, we don’t see the years of hard work and perseverance that led to their “overnight success”.  The overnight success is an illusion.  Success comes gradually, with steady, focused work.  What seems like overnight is usually the result of years of dedication.

We only see the chick once it's hatched - we don't see what happened inside the egg.

Most singers have to play the long game.  We keep plugging away, making steady progress and developing a career bit by bit.  We might see colleagues who succeed at an early age, and we might feel pangs of jealousy.  But the truth is that most of these young prodigies don’t sustain long-term careers.  They are a “flash-in-the-pan” phenomenon.  Their talent may be exciting while they are young and attractive, but as they get older it often becomes apparent that there’s nothing behind the pretty face and the pretty voice.  They don’t have the three-dimensional artistry it takes to keep an audience’s attention in the long run.  It’s not because they aren’t talented – it’s because they weren’t given time to nurture their talents fully and develop into mature artists.  They were thrust out onto the stage before they were ready.

Most of us take a lot more time to develop our careers.  And this is hardly a bad thing.  We need this time to do the necessary work on our voices and ourselves.  We need to develop into emotionally mature adults who can handle the ups and downs of a music career.  We need to grow into colourful, thoughtful, expressive, and skilful singers.  The kinds of singers who will sustain and audience’s interest for years to come.  If we rush ourselves, we risk becoming shallow singers.  Singers who display more style than substance.  If we take the time to do the necessary work, we can become singers of depth and quality.

The problem is, singers are ambitious people.  We're always obsessed with “getting there”.  But the truth is, there is no “there”.  The future doesn’t exist!  The only reality is the present moment.

Every minute that we spend in the “future” is another minute not spent on the present.  Another moment not focused on the work at hand.  Spend too much time thinking like this, and you could dream your whole life away.

If you spend all your time trying to “get there”, you will go nowhere fast.  If you focus on the now, if you take the time to work thoughtfully and thoroughly, you can go somewhere slowly.  Which would you rather do?

Slow and steady wins the race.

Back to me in the practice room.  I’m learning the difference it makes when I give myself time.  If I rush to sing, my voice sounds shallow and light.  If I take the time to breathe and support properly, the sound is richer, fuller, and deeper.  It may be driving me crazy to work this slowly, but it’s worth it to take the time I need to produce a higher quality sound.  Bit by bit, I’m hearing the difference it makes.

It’s not huge improvement.  It’s not a dramatic improvement.  It’s a slow and gradual improvement.  A focused, thoughtful process.  There are no magical solutions or overnight successes here.  I'm learning to be patient, to take my time.  After all, good things come to those who wait.

On applying for a visa...

You may have noticed that I've been writing the last few posts from Toronto.  I'm back in Canada for a while, and doing a few different things while I'm here.  Visiting family, catching up with friends, having various lessons and coachings, taking a masterclass with Tafelmusik... and applying for my visa to stay in Germany.

This is the fourth visa that I have applied for in  five years.  I have applied for student visas in the UK and Belgium, and I have applied for a post-study work visa which allowed me to stay in the UK for two years after graduating.  You would think that after applying for this many visas, I would get the hang of it.  You would think that it would get easier every time.

You would think wrong.

This is me applying for a visa.

Every time that I apply for a visa, it is a stressful, complicated, and enraging process.  It is probably taking several years off of my life.  I swear I'm not being overdramatic here.  You have not fully experienced the absurdities of government bureaucracy until you have applied for a visa to stay in a foreign country.

If you want to stay in another country in the long-term, chances are that you will need to apply for a visa.  I have written before about the process of applying for a visa, but I thought this time I might write something a bit more realistic and practical, with less humorous exaggerations and references to dodos.

Here is a dodo.  I promise not to mention him anymore in this post.

Like I said, it's not an easy process.  But I have learned some things that are helpful to know:

1. Start early.  I can't stress this one enough.  You should start looking into your visa as soon as possible - at least 6 months in advance.  This is because you will probably need to do things which require long-term planning.  You might need to hold a certain amount of money in an account for several months.  You might need to apply from the embassy or consulate in a particular city, which means planning some travel.  Or you might need documents which will take a very long time to process.  When it comes to visas, the early bird will get the worm.

Mmmmm worm.

2. Do your research.  What kind of visa do you need?  What can you qualify for?  You may be eligible for some kind of special consideration.  For instance, if your spouse, parents, or grandparents are citizens of this country, you may qualify for citizenship, or an ancestry visa.  If you are under 35, you may qualify for a youth mobility scheme, which allows young adults to spend time living and working in certain countries.  Make sure you understand the rights and restrictions for the type of visa you are applying for.  Will you be able to work?  Which kinds of work will you be able to do?  How many hours per week?  Will you be able to receive benefits such as healthcare and insurance, or should you make sure that's covered via your home country?  Make sure you know exactly what you're getting yourself into.

3. Make a list.  Check it twice.  Then check it twice again.  You will have various requirements for your visa application.  Some will be very easy, and some will be more complicated.  Make sure you understand exactly what is required for your application.  It's so easy to miss a little detail about how something has to be officially signed and stamped.  So be extra-careful with your list.

Santa doesn't need to check his list as much as you do.

4. Assemble all your requirements.  Keep track of everything carefully.  Use a specially designated folder or box to organise all of your documents.  Print out the list of what you need, and check things off as you go.  Make sure you keep everything in one place.

5. It's all about the money, money, money.  Applying for a visa is expensive.  Expect to pay large amounts of money for things like postage, administration fees, and travel as you prepare your application.  And unless you are applying for a full-time work visa (i.e. you can prove that you have a full-time job with a salary waiting for you when you arrive) you will also need to show that you have a certain amount of money to support yourself while you are abroad.  This is probably the most important requirement for your visa application.  The last thing this country wants is for you to end up broke and unemployed, and become a drain on their economy.  So make sure you have your finances sorted out and you can afford everything you need.

Sorry, Jessie J.  We can't forget about the cha-ching, cha-ching.

6. Plan your travel carefully.  For your application, you will need to know exactly when you are leaving and how long you will stay.  You will probably be required to show tickets as evidence of your travel dates.  You will also need to know where you are staying once you arrive, so make sure that you have your accommodation sorted out.

7. Even when you think you have everything in order, you probably don't.  Check that list again.  And again.  There might be something in fine print which you've missed.  If you're in doubt, find a phone number and call to ask for clarification.  It may take some time before you're able to talk to someone; chances are that the visa helpline will only be open for one hour, one day a week.  But it's worth the hassle just to make sure.

8. Bring a good book.  Once you arrive at the embassy or consulate to formally apply for your visa, you may have to wait a long time before seeing someone - even if you have made an appointment.  Last week I had an appointment, and I still waited 90 minutes to speak to someone at the German Consulate.  And this is Germany, the country that's supposed to be renowned for its punctuality!

9. Allow for the maximum application processing time.  When you are told that your application will take up to 6 weeks to process, it probably won't take 6 weeks to process.  The maximum processing time is something the visa office tells you to cover their backs.  In other words, it doesn't usually take this long, but there have been some cases - when the office was very busy, or there were complications - where it has taken this long.  Obviously you hope that your application will be processed quickly.  Nonetheless, you should prepare for the worst.  You will be giving up your passport with your application, which means that you will be landlocked until your application is processed and you have your visa.  The last thing you want is to book an early plane ticket, only to discover that you won't be able to leave when you were planning.  Changing flights can cost a fortune.  So pay attention to the maximum processing time, and be prepared to stay put for a while.

10. Surrender to the absurdity.  You will be asked to provide some completely unreasonable things for your visa application.  For example, my visa application required me to book a flight back to Canada in a year's time.  Which is understandable, right?  They wanted to make sure I wouldn't just stay in Germany illegally after my visa expires.  The problem is, it's virtually impossible to buy a flight this far in advance!  Most airlines will only let you book a flight up to 8 months ahead of time.
You will be asked for all kinds of unreasonable things like this as you're applying for your visa.  And once you have collected all of these unreasonable things, it will turn out that they didn't need half of them in the first place.  After spending all that time and money, after going through all that stress, they will airily hand it back to you.
You could get annoyed by this.  You could get indignant.  But really, what is the point?  When it comes down to it, the visa office has all the power to accept or deny your application.  If they ask you to jump through a hoop, you will jump through that hoop, and no amount of complaining will change that.  Trust me, for the sake of your sanity - do not get worked up about all this irrational bureaucracy.  Do not rage against the machine.  Be a Zen master and go with the flow.  Accept the absurdity.  Surrender to it.  Laugh about it if you can.  It's the only way to cope.

Be at one with the red tape ridiculousness.

As for me, I handed in my visa application last week, and immediately collapsed in a heap of exhaustion.  I hadn't realised until then just how much it had been stressing me out.  But once I handed in the application and the decision was out of my hands, I relaxed a bit.  I sat down and I couldn't get up.  (Luckily, it happened to be Halloween, which meant it was socially acceptable to spend all evening on the couch eating candy and watching scary movies.)

Another visa application has been sent off.  All that's left now is to wait, and to hope I haven't missed any details.  I should also find some hair dye to cover up all these grey hairs I seem to be sprouting...

On being a good colleague...

In my last post, I touched on how lonely this profession can be.  And it's true - as a soloist, especially a freelance soloist, it can feel like you're the only person looking out for yourself.  But life doesn't have to be so lonely.  There are millions of colleagues out there going through all of the same things.  People who can be an invaluable source of information, help, and support.  This is why it's important to reach out to others and form alliances within the music profession.  This is why it's important to be a good colleague.

What does it mean to be a good colleague?  A good colleague is helpful: they offer advice, give recommendations for good teachers and coaches, or endorse you to someone for future work.  A good colleague is sympathetic: they listen when you're having a hard time, and they understand what you're going through.  And finally, a good colleague is considerate: they consider how their words and actions affect other people.  In other words, they aren't an asshole.

Surprisingly difficult advice to follow.

Now, that is a lot to expect from one person.  And you probably shouldn't expect everyone to be all of these things for you all of the time.  After all, singers are very busy people working in a very difficult and competitive field.  But I believe that if you want to be a happy singer, you should seek out and befriend other singers who have these qualities.  And the more that you emulate these qualities yourself, the easier you will find it to surround yourself with like-minded people.

There are, of course, certain types of colleagues that you should avoid.  Some of them are more dangerous than others, but none of them are particularly helpful.  So try not to spend too much time with these people - and try not to become one of them yourself.

The Apathetic Colleague is the honey badger of colleagues.  They don't give a shit.  They don't wish you ill, but they don't particularly wish you any good either.  If you get in touch with the Apathetic Colleague and ask for help or advice, don't expect an answer.  The Apathetic Colleague doesn't have time for you - they only want to look out for number one.  You can sort of understand where the Apathetic Colleague is coming from.  After all, their life is busy, and they can't be expected to drop everything whenever someone needs their help.  But the Apathetic Colleague tends to ignore everyone all the time.  And what goes around comes around: when they need help, they're usually met with a taste of their own apathetic medicine.

If you honey badger someone, they will honey badger you right back.

The Negative Colleague is a total downer, man.  Always feeling sorry for their self for bombing that audition or not winning that job.  Always speaking doom and gloom about how it's impossible to get anywhere in the industry these days.  The Negative Colleague likes to play the victim - they don't take responsibility for anything that happens in their life.  Instead they choose to believe that for some reason, bad things are always happening *to* them.

Everything happens to Eeyore...

The Negative Colleague has absolutely nothing good to say about anyone or anything.  It's amazing really -you can almost feel the positivity seeping out of you as you speak to them.  Everyone goes through phases where they feel bad about life.  But the Negative Colleague isn't going through a phase - they're like this all the time.  And nobody wants to hang around a person who's always bringing them down.

The Selfish Colleague might act very friendly and pleasant toward you, but make no mistake - they don't actually care.  The Selfish Colleague will use you for all you're worth, and give nothing back.  They can be extremely needy.  They will call at any hour to ask for advice, or whine about their terrible lesson.  But the minute you ask them for a bit of help, they will suddenly become very busy.  Beware of the Selfish Colleague: they are a constant drain on your energy.

The Toxic Colleague is the most dangerous kind of colleague.  Like the Selfish Colleague, they will act like they're your BFF.  But the minute you turn your back, you can guarantee that they will be gossiping about you to someone else.   They will find ways to make subtle little comments that poke at your insecurities and chip away your confidence, all the while pretending to be on your side.  The Toxic Colleague is insidious and extremely clever - they know just how to get under your skin.

"Did you hear that Cindy got the role?  Omigod that is like, sooo sad for you."

Don't be fooled by the Toxic Colleague's tough exterior.  Chances are, they behave this way because they are incredibly, painfully insecure.  They see life as a competition with only one winner.  And they think they have to play dirty to win.  The reason the Toxic Colleague plays so many mind games is that deep down inside, they don't believe they can get ahead on their merit alone.  They think they have to sabotage their rivals in order to succeed.  When you look at it this way, it's actually pretty sad.  There's no need to be mean to the Toxic Colleague, but there's no reason to let them mistreat you either.  Just stay friendly and try not to get sucked in.

I'm often shocked by the way some singers behave toward each other.  But then again, I'm not really shocked at all.  If I'm being completely honest, I have been guilty of all of these types of behaviour at some point in my life.  And I bet that you have too.  Why?  Because we work in a difficult and competitive industry, and these are all various (admittedly unhealthy) ways of coping with it.  It's hard to separate the personal from the professional.  It's hard to be friendly with people who you consider to be your rivals.  And it's hard not to let your setbacks bring you down.

But like I said, what goes around comes around.  The music industry is a small world, and when you behave badly word spreads pretty fast.  You'll find that people are less likely to hire you back, or help you out, or even answer your calls.

More importantly, all of this kind of behaviour sucks up a lot of energy.  Energy which could be spent improving your singing, or your stagecraft, or your knowledge of the repertoire.  You have a lot of work to do!  So why waste yourself on negativity?

There is really no need to be dishonest or unkind towards our colleagues.  It makes life more difficult and unpleasant for everyone.  We all learned the same Golden Rule in Kindergarten: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Why do so many of us forget it when we grow up?

Being a good colleague just makes good sense.  We are the only ones who truly understand this career and what it entails.  So why not help each other out?  Why not lend a bit of help and support to a comrade-in-arms?  This industry is hard enough without making it harder for each other!  I know I might sound a bit naive here, but I really do believe the world will be a better place if we are kind to our fellow singers.

In the end, you have two choices: you can keep your toys to yourself, or you can share them.  If you keep them to yourself, nobody wins.  If you share them around, there's more for everyone.  We can all accomplish so much more if we pool our resources.  There are millions of fantastic websites, blogs, and online communities which demonstrate just how much singers can do when they get together.

But on a smaller, more personal scale, life is so much easier when you have friends in the industry who you can trust.  Friends who can give you an honest opinion, or a valuable recommendation.  Friends who will meet you for a beer when you're in town, or even let you crash on their couch.  True friends, with no ulterior motives, who have your back and know you have theirs.  These kinds of friends are invaluable in our profession.  And you will only get as much as you give.

I have met some people in this profession who are unhelpful or just downright nasty.  But I have also had the pleasure knowing some fantastic colleagues who have helped me in countless ways.  I am extremely grateful for everything I've received from these thoughtful and generous people.  And knowing how much their kindness has meant to me, I see how important it is to do the same for others.  Because every time we are helpful, generous, and considerate to our colleagues, we are changing this profession for the better.  We are making the music world a friendlier place.  And isn't that something we all should want?